REVOLT!!!!!

I knew this new path was going to have its challenges, and I fully expected the children to struggle; but what I did not expect, I guess, is how vehemently they would oppose change.  This revolt has told me one thing, however, that my children are horribly addicted to bad foods.  Without fail on what seems like an hourly basis – even though I know it is not –  , some child will scream out, “I’m hungry!” to which I reply, “Then eat something.”  The response is almost always, “There’s nothing to eat!!!” to which I inevitably reply, “There is plenty to eat.”  I often hear a cabinet or refrigerator door slam and footsteps huffing off.

I have had to do a real gut check and understand that my children are addicted to garbage.  I have to say this makes me feel like the world’s worst mother that I let our busy schedule dictate how I nourished my children.   We are always on the run, so we settle for running through the drive through and picking up whatever was quick, or I was “to tired” so we opted to order pizza or make a box of mac-n-cheese and heat up chicken nuggets.   The snack of choice…Cheese-Its, leftover pizza, and, Aidan’s fav, a turkey sandwich.  Now a turkey sandwich is not necessarily a bad choice, but when it is an hour before a full meal and you slather it, on white bread no doubt, with store bought mayo loaded with fat and chemicals, not so good any more.  I have even found that Aidan and Rory both have learned how to make chicken nuggets in the microwave.  I would come home from school to crumb covered plates with piles of un-used ketchup – also loaded with chemicals and high fructose corn syrup…bad.  It is not enough that Danny and I have our own struggles with food dating back to well before we ever met, but now we have passed those struggles down to our children – and they don’t even know it yet. Now, they don’t all have immediate weight concerns (DJ and Rory may never have those concerns given their physical makeup, but there are no guarantees), they certainly could one day if we don’t a handle on this, not to mention a lifetime of struggling with food.

This is where the revolt comes in.  Knowing the we, Danny and I, struggle with good choices when bad choices are available and we have passed that struggle down to the kids, we (again Danny and I) opted to be a bit drastic.  We emptied the house of all those foods loaded with carbs and empty calories.  We dumped everything with preservatives and that is processed. We have made a few exceptions while we look for healthier alternatives to things like Kraft Mayo, Heinz Ketchup, and Hidden Valley Ranch dressing – I say those brands because they will not eat any others – we are just really watching portions or these items. The purge also included anything with ingredients not found in nature and anything made from the “whites”…white flour, white sugar, white salt (we use sea salt), etc.  I have become an avid label reader, and you would be SHOCKED how much garbage is added to our food!  EVEN MEAT! That is the garbage for which my kids are screaming.  If I did not know better, I would swear that stuff has addictive properties to it given how my kids are “withdrawing”.  Now don’t get me wrong, we have loaded the house with good foods…lot’s of fruits, nuts, and healthy veggies for the kids to snack.  We even keep a supply of boiled eggs in the frig for a quick protein shot…Rory and Maggie like those the best.  We are trying to get Aidan to get away from his Turkey sandwich for some turkey slices and a piece of fruit.  Still, they crave the bad stuff and really get quite upset that it is no longer available.  The one exception we have made…well, we have tried to make a few amendments, not exceptions…is pretzels.  For lunch every day the boys would take a turkey sandwich, goldfish, pretzels, and an apple.  Maggie would take the same except substitute a PB&J for turkey.  Well, we kept the turkey sandwich (changed it to whole wheat bread with just a touch of mayo) and changed the goldfish out for carrots.  Maggie baulked at the carrots, but agreed to omit the goldfish anyway. The one caveat, they may only be eaten for school lunch, never at home for a snack.

Another struggle that I have yet to find an amicable solution is to milk. Many studies show that milk found in the grocery is really quite bad for you because of the hormones and antibiotics given to the cows on regular basis.  I did acquiesce on that.  We could go with organic milk, but we could not afford to keep the house stocked given how much milk my kids drink.  I don’t know, the jury is still out on that one.  

Regardless of the kid’s complaints, Danny and I know that we are finally doing what is right by our children.  Are we perfect? Certainly not!  Do we fall and give in?  Occasionally, but those times are happening with less and less frequency.  We are trying our best every day to set a positive model for them where their health is concerned.  Are we always successful? Absolutely not.  What we are learning that is probably this most important lesion, however,  is that strength is coming from the process of us all learning together.  We are not only being blessed with better health with the best possible side effect of weight loss (Danny has lost 14 and I have lost 7), but we are also seeing our children start to SLOWLY come over from the dark side (forgive the Star Wars analogy).  I have noticed that our temperament is changing; and, despite their vehement objections sometimes, their temperament is changing.  We are all learning and growing together while we move down this new path as a family, and we absolutely are seeing every day that the blessing is truly in the walk.

Day One!

Day one on my walk:

It has taken me 45 years to finally get to this spot. I sit here today in the gym watching Maggie’s cheernastics class and I realize that that use to be me.  It was not so long ago that I could flip and jump and cheer with the best of them. Today…well…let’s just say I can’t. Now I know that your typical 45 year old cannot still do what he or she did when they were 12, 15, 18, or even 21 for that matter, but WHY NOT!!!  Why can’t I still jump and flip and cheer and not look like a raving idiot. My body is not betraying me keeping me from doing this.  Rather, I am betraying my body.  I have spent the better part of the last 30 years on the up and down weight cycle going way up then way down only to go way up again.  I know what to do. I know where I am going wrong.  I just have not had the intestinal fortitude to set it right PERMANENTLY.  There have been  times when I lost large amounts of weight and looked great and felt great, but when life came knocking again, I fell right back into the same old habits that got me big to start with.  I realize now that every time I would start a diet or exercise plan I would become fixated on the goal.  I would work hard and even become slightly obsessed with reaching my goal:  to lose X pounds before the reunion, to get into that X size bridesmaids dress before the wedding, to lose double X pounds during the short summer break knowing that I could not focus on it when school started back.  It always became about the goal.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  Goals and goal setting are important.  Goals give you target for which to shoot so you are not working arbitrarily without real purpose.  My problem was that my goals were my destination, not my purpose.   And even when you have the best intentions with your goals but you are so fixated on the prize at the end that you miss out on the real magic, the change that happens within you addressing the issues that bring on your perpetual struggle.  THAT should have been the purpose.

It has taken me all these 30 years to realize that it is not about the destination, it is about the walk to get there. It is on that walk where you can truly take the time to focus on the purpose.  And it is that, a WALK not a sprint.  I have always thought of it like a race rather than a leisurely walk that allows you to ponder and enjoy the journey.  I am now embarking on yet another journey down the road of weight loss, but this time it is different.  This time I will be spending most of my time not worrying about counting calories, fat grams, or carbs, about weighing or measuring food, about programs or meetings, or about the calorie burn, or even
about the scale (gasp!).  This time I finally understand that to truly be successful, I have to re-learn how to take care of myself and my family.  I have always known what I should do; I just have not held myself accountable for doing it.  I have never really taken the opportunity on a daily basis to really learn during the journey.

I am determined this time to be different.  I am determined this time to learn why I continue to struggle and eliminate those negative energies from my life.  I am determined to make my family’s health and well-being, my relationship with my husband, and my relationship with God the forefront of my life EVERY DAY and make ALL my decisions with those two things in mind.  I know without doing this, I cannot be successful.  I am determined that this time will be the last time I ever have to take this walk again.  I am looking forward to the day that I can take another walk in another direction knowing that my long trek on this never ending circle is finally over.  Forget that…I am looking forward to the day that  I will be flipping, jumping, and shouting  because I am FINALLY off that same worn path. I promise to video that! J

Stay tuned for what I learn along the way.